Previously on Neon Joe, Werewolf Hunter...
A lot's happened In Garrity, Vermont,
a.k.a. B&B Town, U.S.A.,
ever since Neon Joe came to town.
Joe finally came face-to-face with his werewolf father,
who he'd been hunting for years.
My fantasy scenario, I'd stick my gun in your mouth,
say something macho like, "You chew the math."
Then Joe Sr. dropped a major bombshell.
You've never, ever killed a werewolf.
I timed my shots so you never knew I was there.
Sonny and Joe almost became new best friends
and opened up a Hawaiian-themed place called Oahu Joe's,
but Barrett Huxley interrupted that moment
because he wanted to get high
and have sex with a giant hacky sack.
Joe showed his backstory back tattoo to Cleave,
but poor Cleave doesn't know how to read.
"It"...
Joe used his artificial moonlight
to show that Matt was werewolf.
Turns out Matt can transform into werewolf
without a full moon and busted out of the hospital.
Sheriff and Susan hooked up.
Ever since we started humping, I consider Matt a son figure.
Georgia, Matt's girlfriend, got pregnant with werewolf baby
and then disappeared. She left a suicide note.
Mayor, Sonny, and Doc are Cybots,
a super-tiny alien species that eats space Jell-O.
Red ones shrink you down, green ones make you grow.
They're also half robot.
Their tiny spaceship was damaged when it landed on Earth
but turns out two werewolf howls can power the ship.
Power system re-engaged.
So they sent some of their guards to capture Joe's father.
And, finally, don't forget the Cybots' spaceship
is hidden in the bottom of a Garrity oak tree.
Sheriff shrunk down and found the ship, went inside,
and found their Cybot book of knowledge.
Everything you need to know is right in here.
Digest all of that one more time.
-Now on with the show. -He-yump.
"The End."
-Hell of a read. -Tell me about it.
I'll be a son of a he-yump.
Sonny was telling the truth all along.
Well, one question that tiny book don't answer.
What's that?
He-yump, if the Cybots like the taste of my rod.
Look, I'm behind you 100%. You know that.
I just ask that you spare Matt.
He's sort of become my son figure now.
Oh, Sheriff, I had a feeling you were getting all sweet on Susan.
Now, come on, he-yump.
It sort of happened one night between thrusts.
I mean, one minute, I-I'm all,
"Yeah, baby, You been a bad girl?
"Sheriff gonna take you to jail!"
And then -- And then the next minute, I-I'm all,
"Susan... I'm in love with you."
Tell you what, Sheriff.
I'm gonna give you one chance
with this here experimental de-wolfing serum
I've been tinkering with up in he-yump.
But if that don't work...
Well, then, it's adios, wolf-migo.
Sync & correct-he-yumps by dwigt Addic7ed.com
I implore you to stay true to your Cybotic nature!
Call off killing Neon Joe, and let's just get off this planet!
Well, I would consider that, except for two reasons.
One, we need his artificial moonlight to control the wolves
to make them howl at will so we can power the ship.
And, two, at this point,
I just want that annoying asshole dead.
You become less cy and more bot every passing minute.
Hey, man, you are lucky to be alive
after you told Neon Joe all about us.
All right, all right, All right.
I'm gonna go check on my lasagna.
Do you want to go home or not?
Fine.
But I beg of you, we just get the moonlight and that's it.
We don't hurt him. That's not who we are!
Look into your manufactured
cold, steel, robot heart.
Fine, whatever.
I just want to get the [bleep] out of here.
Come on.
I sure hope this wolf serum actually works.
Cleave, let me see your hand.
A little light reading to blow your mind out your ass.
Don't let that out of your sight.
I can't even get it in my sight.
Oh, he-yump.
Well, I gotta tell you, Cleave,
I-I'm gonna miss the hell out of those quips
If this mission don't end well.
You also gonna be in charge of this.
We not back in an hour, you go to the Government,
eat that Jell-O, read 'em that book.
Take this, too, just in case.
If we don't make it back alive, I just want you to know
that you've been like an adopted son to me.
Not the type of adoption where the father's dick don't work.
My dick work just fine.
I'd even say it work too well.
Sometimes I'm scared to use it.
Thanks, Neon Joe.
-You ready? -Ready.
See you on the other he-yump.
Neon Joe!
Guys?
He-yump.
I like your stealth crouch, Sheriff.
What you call that?
-I don't call it anything. -Oh, come on, man.
You gotta give 'em names.
It a lot more fun.
I call mine the Creepy-Crawly Crouch Crab.
or the Sneaky Snail.
You know, if I'm going real slow, I might go, "He-yump."
Cybot trooper!
He-yump.
Whoa, look at this.
"Made in China -- Not Earth China."
♪ Sandwich, sandwich
♪ I love my sandwich
Mmm.
I wonder what dessert would go good with my meal.
Tiramisu?
No.
Cannolis?
No.
Fruit salad?
No.
Cheesecake?
No.
Chocolate chip cookies?
No.
Oatmeal cookies?
No.
Why you doing all this?
If you wanted to rock my jock, all you had to do was ask.
We discovered we could harness the strength of a werewolf howl
to power our damaged ship and get off this planet.
The pure raw emotion of each howl
is like 10 miniature suns rolled into a Nagasaki --
a sushi roll of raw energy, if you will.
Yeah, I made werewolf sushi once. It was good.
Werewolf meat, crabmeat, avocado.
I call it the California he-yump.
Okay, uh, I don't know how much you know about our backstory,
but, basically, we've been here for thousands of years.
Doctor?
Ba, behida...
Be bado bohia?
It's not English, dummy.
Our ship crash-landed some 20,000 years ago.
We were in search of new and untouched lands
to spread our vision of what are called B&Bs.
Okay.
We Cybots come from a planet of peaceful and loving beings.
We like to bring strangers together
over an awkward breakfast
of locally-sourced baked goods and homemade jam.
What the [bleep], Doc?
Oh, yeah, sorry. Uh.
I wrenched my back pulling the lasagna out of the oven.
Ooh.
Anyway, we're tiny.
We've been here for thousands of years,
and we can finally leave the planet,
our mission of sharing B&Bs having been
a light to moderate success.
Yeah, all we need from you is your moonlight,
And we'll let you go.
Yeah, I don't think I'm gonna be able to help you with that.
That's a cool story, though.
Hey, uh, what did dinosaur meat taste like?
And, uh, by that same token, what cave woman meat taste like?
I knew you wouldn't play ball.
We'll find it. And then we'll go colonize elsewhere.
You -- You'll be dead.
Sonny, take care of it.
We agreed We wouldn't hurt him.
You want to see your family again?
You do it or you die. It's that simple.
Yeah, peaceful people, my he-yump.
Well, don't just stand there.
Be-boop -- Get it over with!
Saltwater taffy?
No.
Banana split sundae?
No.
Jell-O?
Jell-O!
Why should those guys be the ones having all the fun?
If they're killing space robots,
well, why shouldn't I be there, too.
Awesome!
Oh!
This is just business. It's not personal.
Is that what Cybots call murder, "business"?
That's funny,
I thought you'd have called it something like gleam-glarm!
That's a pretty good robot voice,
isn't it, Sheriff? I thought it was good.
That's not how we talk. We talk like this...
Wow. That -- That cool, man.
That kick ass.
But, anyway, if you gonna kill me,
why don't you at least allow me
to get in one final farewell performance...
If I could?
A song I wrote about the person
I thought was starting to become my best friend.
That's very kind of you, Neon Joe,
But I already know how you feel about me --
No, I'm not talking about you, Sheriff.
I'm talking about someone else in this room.
♪ I may not have a lot of money ♪
♪ But where I'm rich when it come to Sonny ♪
♪ Sonny and Neon Joe
♪ It's time to start the show ♪
♪ And the name of that show is "New Best Friends Forever" ♪
♪ He-yump
Where you going?
What's the matter, cat got your tongue?
You guys even got tongues where you come from?
Or cats?
Okay, here my impression of a cat from their planet,
Sheriff, watch this.
Be-boop! Ha ha ha.
Instead of "meow, meow," get it, man?
I'm gonna put a video on YouTube,
see if it go viral, man, get a lot of hits and...
I wrote this the day after you came to town.
♪ I'm crossing my fingers ♪
♪ I'm crossing my fingers that you'll write me a song ♪
♪ I got a feeling this life won't last ♪
♪ The cyber charade will soon be passed ♪
♪ We're on a collision course with Neon Joe ♪
♪ If he finds out our true identities ♪
♪ And he ends up in our captivity ♪
♪ I promise to set him free ♪
♪ On the condition that he sing me a song ♪
♪ About our friendship
♪ And if I'm singing this song right now ♪
♪ That means that it actually happened ♪
♪ Which would make me so happy ♪
I knew there was a reason I wrote that song.
Good thing I didn't sing the other song I wrote for you.
That one went like this...
♪ Sometimes Sonny is a real mother-[bleep] dick ♪
-Let's go get Matt! -Yeah!
Hurry! They're right in here!
I'll cut the power on Matt!
Matt! There's no time to explain.
I gotta a boner for your mom.
I think of you as a son figure, and I'm here to help.
This werewolf serum has a 30% success rate.
If I inject you three times, you'll almost be back to human.
I'm gonna inject you four times.
Not only will you be back to human,
But you'll also be a 20% better person.
Son figure?
Father figure!
Why don't you two take that tear-jerk moment outside?
I don't want this son figure to see me kill a father figure,
although he's really more of an asshole figure to me now.
Sonny?
Thank you, best friend.
Well, well, well!
Oh, how I have been longing for this day.
You have no idea.
I want to show you something.
You know what these are?
Werewolf kabobs.
The severed heads of all the werewolves I've killed --
or that I thought I killed.
That's okay. That's okay,
'cause there's only one werewolf that matter that I get.
The one that go right here.
You see this he-yump right here?
This here right he-yump gonna go right he-yump.
Right next to this dude right here next to that green pimple.
Then we gonna fire up the barbecue, get the grill going,
cook you up nice and good, just like that.
Tender, succulent, juicy.
All that matters is
I finally actually get to say, "You chew the math!"
Not so fast!
Holy mother of he-yump!
I knew Sonny would chicken out. That's okay.
This is how I wanted it anyway.
I know you know I'm in love with you.
I knew it!
Yeah, you don't get hard this quick unless it's real.
I have no intention of leaving this planet.
I knew once I got you alone, I could tell you my plan.
You, me, we bring howl power to the world.
Huh. I don't know.
Sounds a lot like nuclear energy...
Which is a lot like me.
Yeah, it's clean, but it's risky.
Clisky.
This will be the ultimate fulfillment of your life.
Together... Oh, yeah.
...we'll rule the Earth.
Oh, yeah, take my guns!
Show me your cy-bod.
What? Ew, gross. No, I'm capturing you, stupid.
Oh. Oh, yeah, yeah. Capture my flag.
Put my eel in your gima.
Teach me how to robo-hump!
What the he-yump?!
Oh!
How did you get my artificial moonlight?
-You ought to lock your door. -Oh, he-yump.
After I kill you,
I'm going to crochet your stupid outfit into a welcome mat.
I'll think of you every time I wipe my feet.
Goodbye, Neon Joe.
No one dies except Cybot scum!
They're blanks, Cleave.
I'm not gonna give you a loaded gun.
You would have shot me at least three times.
Now, where was I?
Go, my son!
Ow!
Come on, come on!
Come on! Come on!
Guys, this way!
Engines are at full power.
Everybody, out!
Joe!
Oh, that was awesome!
High-five line starts right here
for the hero of the space battle!
I would have rather stayed on that ship
and died trying to get revenge on my daddy!
Also pretty sure I was about to get laid.
You chew the math... for real this time.
"Neon Joe, if there's anyone in the world
"who can understand abandoning their child
"because they think it will be safer,
"it's you.
"Please take care of my baby.
"Yours in Wolf Christ, Georgia."
Oh.
Well, who we got here?
Hey.
Come on over here with me.
How about a little werewolf serum
So Joe don't have to put a bullet
in your cute wittle brain?
Look what Joe got for you right there.
Look what Joe got for you there.
Oh, that's good, right?
Get a little he-yump, Get a little he-yump.
Yeah, see ya...
Well, I'll be a he-yump.
Yeah, lucky for you
I didn't have to murder-cide those sweet cheeks.
You done good, Joe.
Oh, man!
Look at that! Look, what a pleasant surprise!
Oh, man!
I was actually just coming to see you, too.
Uh, this yours.
-What? -Yeah.
Yo, mad props, son.
Where's Georgia?
Turns out she faked her suicide.
She couldn't handle the heat, though.
She left town, but you give her time, she come back around.
So what are you gonna do now?
You know that question
"What gets you out of bed in the morning?"
Now that my daddy dead... I ain't got no answer.
First time in my life I ain't got a plan.
I suppose it's time to...
start following my dreams.
Here.
I made it, but it's from all of us.
You really nailed my buns!
Good luck, Neon Joe.
Sheriff, I'll never forget your sweet bod.
-Good luck, Neon Joe. -Susan.
I'll never forget Your sweet toes.
Yo, good luck, son.
Matt, I'll never forget your peaceful coma face.
Good luck, Joe.
Barrett.
I'll never forget your tender touch.
Good luck, Neon Joe.
Cleave, I'll never forget how you move your body to reggae.
Good luck, best friend.
Sonny, I'll never forget this moment
that wasn't in either one of our best friend montages.
Good luck, Neon Joe.
Off-camera Chris, I'll never forget your face.
Well...
He-yump.
Hey!
Thus concludes my time in Garrity.
Now that my daddy's dead, will Joe ever hunt again?
That's a question to be answered another he-yump.
Sync & correct-he-yumps by dwigt Addic7ed.com